Cinco de Mayo gone so unplanned

I have to speak about my Cinco de Mayo this year A friend of ours had started a campaign to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. As Troy’s aunt and uncle have both died from leukemia, this area is close to home for us. As I become in more pain, I more and more hide from the world. I shy away from attending these type of events when you have to look happy and not broken on the surface. Most days I do well at hiding what I am really feeling, however this week was a difficult one. I was having many stomach issues. There can be days I never eat, and never realize throughout the day that I have not eaten.
I felt a strong hold to show up and show my support to Teri. She had no tie to the LLS foundation. She is just a kind hearted golden woman. Trevan had a birthday party to attend, so myself, and Troy showed up first with baby. Everything was fine, we were enjoying the event.
Troy left and returned with Trevan and I was having fun watching my boys with the man making balloons and getting their faces painted. And then I felt it, that level 5 normal pain that was a normal feeling begin to climb. I cautiously reached into my bag, looking around to see that no one was watching me for my little blue case that had my pain medication. I opened it and my heart melted, I must have used the last medication and never replaced them. I looked around for Troy and walked up to him, I whispered in his ear that my pain was rising and we needed to leave. This made me feel terrible, like I was the party popper. I saw what a great time everyone was having. It absolutely was extremely upsetting to me that I was the reason we had to leave.
Unfortunately it came to late and by the time we walked into the door of my home, my pain had escalated to it high level. When I say this I mean, my pain was so bad I began vomiting I will explain a feeling or thought that I have had and especially had on this night. Have you ever felt a pain that was so bad, you laid there and wanted to call an ambulance? I have, and I have had the thought as I laid there in my bed, hugging my friend “the heating pad”. Trying to take my mind some place other than what I was feeling in my body. Except my mind keeps returning to “please someone all me an ambulance”

The Day My Heart Was Broken

I don’t think it would be fair if I didn’t explain something else that I have been struggling with. To make a long story rather short…

Starting Labor Day weekend 2012 my sweet 13 year old Hanna became ill. A few month and multiple thousands of dollars and vet visits later she was diagnosed with stomach cancer on November 29,2012. She died on December 2, 2012 with Troy and I by her side.

I believe everyone in my home has accepted her death except for me. I spend countless hours researching different foods, medications and natural remedies to help her and I failed her. I put aside myself and every pain and health problem that I was juggling the same way any mother would do for her sick child. Indeed that what she truly was to me. My companion of 13 years, my child, my love and joy in life. I spent 7 years struggling with infertility to have my boys but every step of the way my furbabies comforted me and made me feel like the I could be the Mom I wanted to be.

I honestly could have never anticipated that I was going to take the loss of Hanna as hard as I have taken it. I honestly knew that I had made the right choice for her. She had been through enough pain and suffering. I just never knew you could miss someone so very much.

A month after I lost my Hanna I came home to find her sister Haley collapsed on the floor. After hours of laying next to her on the floor of Banfield Pet Hospital and begging God to please not take another baby from me, she is still with me. While her heart condition is so severe she requires a high level of care and medications. She is still living a happy life with me.

Maybe finally writing it down or admitting that I am weak about the loss and my sorrow will help me heal. I felt so sure and certain and still do that I had made the right choice for her. But I still cannot get her out of my mind and feeling the last breath she took in this world while I sobbed with my head on her chest is a clear picture in my mind. I know she lived a long and wonderful life with us. But this is mine and she was mine, and we all handle loss in different ways. All I can say is I miss my baby, and I dream of the day I can see her big eyes staring at me and have her dancing around me nibbling on my fingers like she used to when she was so happy to see me.

Do you remember the day you found a passion?

Do you remember the details the day you found a passion for something? It feels like a fire that ignites inside of you, and you feel like you have fallen head over heels in love with a new “something”, whatever that passion may be. Whether it is fitness, a video game, or collecting baseball cards, we all have a passion for something. I remember the day I fell in love with running. I had agreed to walk a 5K with Troy’s work. I brought my 3 dogs out and as I was walking I saw runner’s pass by me. I thought to myself “Wow I have to try this”. A month later I signed up to run my first 5K. I wasn’t very fast but I was immediately addicted to the adrenaline rush I felt at the finish line. The best part of running was the only competitor was myself. As a teenager I participated in many sports, I always remember the feeling of not being good enough, or the other girls that played better, scored more points, or was played more then I was. The feeling was so overwhelming that during my senior year at Notre Dame High, I stopped playing all the sports I had played for many years. But running a race was just myself and the road.
I walked into my first BarreAmped class with my friend Alicia. She told me to grab a small mat, a ball, and either 1 or 2 pound weights. Of course I grabbed the 2 pound weights as I had done boot camp and was lifting weights at home.(boy what I didn’t know) I could handle 2 pound weights. The instructor walked into the room as I was evaluating everyone’s Lululemon attire and off we went into knee lifts (that I hate doing). Ok ladies, Melissa said. Pick up those weights. Then she said now bend your knew slightly and here we go, up and down. I was standing at a mat where the mirror cut me in half. But as we proceeded into the third exercise of shoulders, mine were on fire. The tension in my face was so clear, but I could not drop the weights. Until Melissa said. It’s ok to drop those weights. Phew I thought, I am going to drop mine. Then it was quickly return your weights and head back to unfold your mat. She told us to come up to the barre, long arm on the bar and feet an inch apart, go up and releve down, heels together. As we proceeded in class, it felt like a long lost friend of mine was re-born. I absolutely loved dancing when I was a young girl. I can remember Mom driving me to dance class in winter storms. I danced with my very good friend whose Mother owned the studio and we danced everything, jazz, tap, ballet, modern, duo’s and solo’s. I loved to dance. I twirled baton in the parades, and tap danced for the old people at the nursing homes. It was a great time in my life and it felt that moment in Barre class as though it had returned.
As class ended Melissa told us to lay down and just relax, whatever stress or anything that we were wearing on our shoulders to release. After some awesome stretching and then she said, great class everyone, I thought wait it’s over already? Surely there has to be more, we can stay longer, isn’t there a class after this I can stay for? I haven’t let it all on the mat yet!! Alicia looked over at me and says, you did great for your first time. I went home and immediately signed up for the rest of my classes, but wait, that’s all. I can not go just 5 classes, that is like training only 5 days for a marathon when I really train close to 16 weeks before a marathon. I could have kissed my husband the next day when he brought me a groupon he had bought for 10 classes. As anything in my life, I will strive for greatness in barre. It has ignited a fire inside of me, when I least expected it. It’s funny how God works in these strange ways. I have been having more pain when running then ever before. I used to be able to run through the pain, eventually I could get past it. Lately I have been calling run at mile 3. I have been so frustrated as it is very important to me that I continue to keep up with my fitness. So here I am, an endometriosis suffer, a Mom, a nurse, a runner, and now I barre!!!!!!!!!!!

My first ever blog post

Well here it goes. But first I have to start it off with a little bit of background information.
ENDOMETROSIS- Endometriosis is the abnormal growth of cells (endometrial cells) similar to those that form the inside or lining the tissue of the uterus, but in a location outside of the uterus. Endometrial cells are cells that are shed each month during menstruation. The cells of endometriosis attach themselves to tissue outside the uterus and are called endometriosis implants. These implants are most commonly found on the ovaries, the Fallopian tubes, outer surfaces of the uterus or intestines, and on the surface lining of the pelvic cavity. They can also be found in the vagina, cervix, and bladder, although less commonly than other locations in the pelvis. Rarely, endometriosis implants can occur outside the pelvis, on the liver, in old surgery scars, and even in or around the lung or brain. Endometrial implants, while they can cause problems, are benign (not cancerous).
^^^^^This is in case you didn’t know what it was^^^^
WHAT HAS IT DONE TO ME? I was diagnosed with endometriosis 7 years ago after trying to conceive my first son. I previously had 2 miscarriages, and a long history of painful, heavy bleeding menstrual cycles. Endometriosis can only be properly diagnosed after a part of the endometrial tissue has been removed and confirmed in the lab as endometriosis. Which in my case, it sure was.
WHAT ALSO HAS IT DONE TO ME? Because of my endometriosis, I have a secondary diagnosis of infertility, interistial cystis and the newly not yet confirmed adenomyosis. YAY!! FOR ME!!!!!
HOW IS IT TREATED? There are many forms of treatment. Over the years besides my infertility treatments. I have had a total of 4 lap surgeries, continuous birth control, Lupron therapy.
I am waiting for hopefully will be a long end to my chronic pelvic pain, stomach and digestive issues, bladder and bowel issues by having a back to back excision surgery with robotics by the world know (well in the endo world) Dr Dumbela. My surgery is in July in Denton, TX. In case you didn’t know where Denton is, it is about 40 minutes outside of Dallas.
The second reason for my logging is to share my passion and love for BarreAmped.
WHAT IS BARREAMPED? BarreAmped is an intensive body shaping experience designed to produce reliable results, no matter the client. The method is influenced by classical and modern dance (though it is not a dance class) and utilizes a barre to achieve optimal positioning. Insights from Pilates, yoga, and orthopedic stretching also balance the method’s unique approach.

The precision-oriented technique focuses mainly on small, isolated movements within deeply held and challenging postures. BarreAmped is proven to increase metabolism, burn fat, and lengthen tight muscles. With commitment to the technique, you get recognizable results exactly where you want them.

Created by international fitness celebrity and former Lotte Berk Method instructor Suzanne Bowen, BarreAmped is the result of more than 10 years of physiological study and client observations by one of America’s top fitness talents. Precise form is essential to achieving optimal results in BarreAmped; thus, BarreAmped instructors are highly trained to correct and refine your positioning during each workout.

BarreAmped is not taught with a strong pelvic tuck which is classic to other barre exercise methods. BarreAmped instead teaches the student to focus control on the “Core Base,” which is the pelvic floor muscles and lower abdominal wall, in order to maintain torso control and a neutral spine. BarreAmped is a modern interpretation of a classic method. Our classes are filled with all types of people at different skill levels. Come experience a BarreAmped class for yourself & see the difference!
^^^^^^For anyone that didn’t know^^^^^^^
How did I start Barreamped? Well my friend who is a fitness guru like myself is more into yoga. Every deal, groupon etc.. she see’s she sent them to me. Every free yoga and wine class at Lululemon, I have known about from her. So after my 11th marathon I promised her I was going to try something else. I have been an avid runner since 2006. But when I was a kid I danced, did yoga, Pilates, spin classes. I loved anything that moved and challenged me. I love to run, bike, swim and attend boot camp classes. I honestly bought the 5 classes because I really did not believe I was going to even use the 5 classes. I mean how is a barre ( you know like a cuties little ballet barre, and I used to do ballet)going to help me get more fit? Or challenge me?? Really?? I felt I was strong . I was working on more tone in my core and arms. After 2 C-sections and other abdominal surgeries I have little feeling in my lower abdominal core. You can pinch my skin tight with tweezers down there and I can not feel a thing.
……So here goes my day in a life having endometriosis and BarreAmped.